I realised that I swear a lot recently. I mean not in Vietnamese, of course. I can never stand vulgarity in my mother tongue; I don't know why, but it just disgusts me greatly. Okay, so I've been swearing in English, much more than I should (because I'm supposed to not swear at all). You see, most of the time I didn't do that intentionally, but there was just something that annoyed the hell out of me, and I just had to curse. Then I'd slap myself mentally because, hello, "you're swearing, idiot!!". At moments like that, I'd actually feel embarrassed or guilty for a second or two, and then I thought "Fuck it, that person deserved that anyway. I was just doing everyone else a favour.", so I didn't care much anymore.
So that gradually brought me to this stage where I don't even feel guilty when I swear (in English). I seriously don't know what I should think now. Ashamed, because I've become such a dirty, crude little person? Or relieved, because from now on I wouldn't have to suppress myself anymore?
Of course, I'm not the type of girl who adds some swear words to every single sentence that comes out from her mouth. I let it slip, yes, but occasionally, and it's not like I say it out loud. Yes, you saw it right. I mostly just curse under my breath, or say it loud enough for my clique to hear it, or type it, or something. I mean I'm only human, I must give myself a break once in a while, right? After all, I'm still one of the most civilised people I've ever met. No, I'm not being smug. Please, you should've seen people here, some of them are incredibly rude. Don't even snort or smirk or something along the line, because both of us know that you know that I'm right.
So, friends, how're you doing?